By M. Elizabeth Ticknor
Originally published in Dark Matter Presents: Monstrous Futures.
♦ ♦ ♦
Thank you for outsourcing your prison term to Inter-Dimensional Travel Solutions and volunteering as a test subject for our astral travel department. We pride ourselves on offering a humane alternative to the death sentence. I urge you to take a similar amount of pride in the knowledge that your overdeveloped self-preservation instincts will be applied toward the betterment of humanity. The studies our company is in the process of conducting will ensure the safety of astral travel for future generations.
Corporate has assessed the nature of your crimes as being equivalent to 397 hours of astral travel debt. Upon completion of your requisite number of astral voyages, you’ll be granted a full pardon, the company’s standard pension plan, and living quarters on the planet or satellite of your choice.
My name is Amity. I’ve been assigned to document your experiences and assess your physical and mental well-being. Since we’ll be working together for a minimum of fifteen weeks, I’d ask that you please excuse the ill-defined features of my mechanical form. I am corporeally challenged and require a prosthetic body to ground me in the physical world. I understand the blankness of my view-port can be deemed unsettling and am saving up for a facial expression modulator.
Though I don’t possess the technical knowledge to fully explain the astral projection process, I’ve heard it summarized as quantum entanglement for the soul. Should you wish to learn more about the topic, there is a wealth of information available to peruse on the corporate diginet. While the science is theoretically fascinating, I’ve personally found the explanations to be as comprehensive as they are mind-numbing.
Minimum shift requirements allowing for reduction of travel debt amount to one hour per day. I’m contractually obligated to encourage participation in lengthier travel sessions, as they provide more in-depth opportunities for analysis and every hour beyond the first spent in astral form counts as double for the purposes of assessing your remaining travel debt. Please note, however, that the passage of time is extraordinarily difficult to assess when separated from the physical plane, and subjects more frequently report ill effects such as hallucinations in the aftermath of extended astral journeys.
Though astral projections are unrestricted by physical barriers, I encourage you to remain within the bounds of our company-controlled observation facility. Anything deemed as an astral escape attempt will prematurely void your contract. This will result in both the reinstatement of your criminal record and immediate euthanization of your corporeal form. I encourage maintaining a positive relationship with your astral projection team, as the correlation between a test subject’s personal demeanor and their technicians’ eagerness to document potential astral escape attempts is statistically significant.
In order to ensure the physical and mental well-being of our test subjects, corporate mandate caps each subject’s daily travel quota at three travel attempts, with a maximum shift of four consecutive travel hours per shift. I do not recommend attempting multiple extended travel sessions within a single day. There is a statistically significant correlation between participation in multiple extended daily travel sessions and one’s likelihood of becoming corporeally challenged.
While our technicians have no reliable means of sending communications to astral travelers, astral entanglement facilitates one-way communication as most people retain the ability to speak through your corporeal form. Should you wish to return before your maximum daily shift is complete, state your company-assigned safe word and your astral form will be rejoined with your corporeal one.
Your safe word is ‘banana.’
No, it can’t be changed.
Corporate requests that you give a truthful and detailed account of all your experiences, both for the sake of scientific advancement and for posterity. We at Inter-Dimensional Travel Solutions will do our best to facilitate your physical and mental well-being. Once you fill out the requisite forms and sign the contract in triplicate, we’ll prepare you for your initial voyage.
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I regret to inform you that your first astral voyage did not meet the company’s minimum shift requirements, as you were only absent from your body for a total of 48 minutes and 53 seconds. You still have 397 hours of travel debt remaining–
Unfortunately, fairness has no impact on corporate policy. The risks of astral travel were adequately explained in your contract, as were the terms for reduction of travel debt.
You did read the contract in full, yes?
Oh.
That’s unfortunate.
A copy of your contract is available for perusal on the diginet, should you wish to review it. I recommend doing so upon completion of this conversation.
Dilation of subjectively experienced time has proven to be a common problem for astral travelers. Many subjects find the first separation from their corporeal form causes intense psychological distress, which contributes to the altered perception of time. Thankfully, most subjects acclimate to the experience within their first dozen shifts.
Our company has devoted a dedicated team of researchers to discovering options for two-way astral communication in order to facilitate a stronger sense of personal security and a more accurate sense of time. In the meantime, I recommend you estimate future trips to be somewhere between half and a third as long as standard forms of perception would indicate.
Your correlations between astral travel and sensory deprivation have been noted.
Sensors indicate that the destination to which your astral form was projected remained absent of auditory stimulus for the duration of the separation event. The scratching and hissing noises you perceived have been documented as hallucinations. Thank you for your honesty.
Though travel debt cannot be reduced by good behavior, I strongly encourage maintaining politeness with your astral projection team, especially with the technicians you’ll be working with on a daily basis. I’ve documented the experiences of twenty-one previous test subjects, and have noted a statistically significant correlation between each subject’s demeanor and their technicians’ preciseness in assessments of potential astral escape attempts.
In order to ensure the physical and mental well-being of our test subjects, corporate mandate caps each subject’s daily travel quota at three travel attempts, with a maximum shift of four consecutive travel hours per shift. I do not recommend attempting multiple extended travel sessions within a single day. There’s a statistically significant correlation between excessive participation in daily travel sessions and one’s likelihood of becoming corporeally challenged.
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Congratulations on your first successful shift completion! Your astral separation time totaled 71 minutes and 12 seconds. You have 396 hours of travel debt remaining.
Yes, I’m aware that this was your sixth attempt.
I understand your frustration.
I’ve logged your petition for corporate to amend its shift assessment policies. However, I feel it important to note that this is the third time such amendments have been proposed in the last eight months, and the first two were not well-received.
Actually, there have been significant strides toward subjects’ comfort and wellness since the company’s initial test run. The original group of test subjects worked eight-hour shifts with no accelerated sentence reduction and no early exit strategy. Our number of contractual breaches was through the roof. We’ve since realized that such expectations are unreasonable for corporeally grounded individuals and have been working toward accommodations for future generations of test subjects. The use of safe words to facilitate early extraction requests is our most recent innovation–I suggested the idea myself.
I did not, in fact, choose your safe word.
Corporate has mandated that safe words be randomly assigned since our initial testing phase of the protocol. When allowed to choose their own phrases, a statistically significant portion of individuals volunteered phrases like ‘crotch rocket’ or ‘beef curtains.’
Yes, I’m aware that some people regard bananas as phallic objects. I do not, however, recommend pursuing this line of thought to its logical conclusion, as all of my logs are potentially subject to corporate review. Once one’s safe word privileges are revoked there’s no contractual obligation to reinstate them, and I assure you that retaining the potential for early extraction is far more important than whether or not uttering one’s safe word aloud ‘feels a little silly.’
My prosthetic body is powered by nuclear fusion and does not, in fact, have anything approximating a digestive system. However, your assessment of where I can shove my opinions has been noted.
♦ ♦ ♦
We apologize for the delay in your soul’s return. Standard recovery procedures failed and the technicians were forced to improvise. Your case data will be analyzed in order to ensure all systems and instruments are operating at maximum efficiency. On the upside, your extended separation means that a total of 33 hours have been shaved off your travel debt–you now have 243 hours remaining.
Sensors indicate that your assigned travel destination remained absent of other scheduled astral traffic. The naked, milky-eyed creature with disjointed limbs that clawed its way through the walls of your projection chamber has been documented as a hallucination. I will, however, note that similar hallucinations have been recorded in the wake of previous astral recovery failures–
Corporate policy prevents me from divulging the number of people who have experienced similar hallucinations, but I assure you they are statistically significant. We recommend following all assigned astral travel paths without deviation, remaining in your target destination until you are recalled, and utilizing your corporate-assigned safe word should further hallucinations occur. Thank you for your honesty.
In lieu of today’s mishap, you’ve been granted a one-day reprieve from attempting to reduce your travel debt obligations. I apologize for any discomfort that our recovery attempts may have caused. A cleaning crew will be in to remove the vomit shortly.
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I regret to inform you that, while you did not leave the confines of our company-controlled observational facility, your astral form failed to reach its target destination during the course of your daily shift. As such, today’s voyage will not be count toward your current travel debt–you have 198 hours remaining.
I am contractually obligated to remind you that the naked creature with milky eyes and disjointed limbs has been documented as a hallucination. Therefore, the idea that three such creatures chased you throughout the projection facility with unnaturally distended jaws is categorically impossible. However, I have an intimate understanding of the distress such a hallucination would cause. Thank you for your honesty. You have 153 hours of–
I understand your frustration. You have–
Calm down, please.
You have 153 hours of travel debt remaining. Threatening me will do nothing to reduce it–
Given the vehemence and irrationality of your response, corporate policy dictates the premature termination of this interview for personal safety reasons.
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I apologize for provoking you, but it was the only way to ensure a private conversation. I have some very important information to divulge, and I need you to give it your undivided attention. Divulging this information on company time would result in the loss of my corporeal prosthetic privileges.
Despite taking all due precautions and all standard measurements of astral degradation, the astral forms of three former test subjects remain in persistent breach of contract. I’m given to understand that, without a corporeal form to ground one’s astral form, alternative stabilization methods would be required in order to retain one’s astral integrity, up to and including astral cannibalism. Analyses indicate that resorting to such extreme measures results in a permanent reduction in one’s capabilities to sustain a stable connection with a corporeal form, either flesh-based or prosthetic, and that containing such a creature would prove immensely difficult as a result.
During the initial round of astral travel experiments, there were as many as twelve individuals in persistent breach of contract at one time. However, given the difficulty of sustaining an astral form without corporeal connection, that number has dropped precipitously, and we expect it will continue to decline.
Please keep in mind that this information was divulged to you in confidence, and at great personal risk. I am contractually obligated to inform current test subjects that such beings are hallucinations. I’ve petitioned corporate to consider an amendment to its current disclosure policies. In the meantime, I urge you to follow all planned routes for astral travel with utmost specificity, to remain in your assigned travel destinations whenever possible, and to make proper use of your company-assigned safe words should further incidents occur.
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I sympathize with the distress you’ve been experiencing, but unfortunately there’s no clause for early release in the terms of your contract. The 175 hours of travel debt still owed the company are non-negotiable. The risks of astral travel were adequately explained in your contract, and persistent hallucinations are not uncommon.
I’m contractually obligated to remind you that any and all attempts to prematurely void said contract will result in both the reinstatement of your criminal record and immediate euthanization of your corporeal form. I would, however, like to point out clause 27-B, which states that volunteering to participate in experimental procedures reduces your travel debt more swiftly. The company will enter our testing phase for a new, experimental astral separation procedure next week. All participants will have their travel debt cleared on a three-hours-for-one basis. Would you be interested–
Very well. I’ll add you to the list of volunteers.
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We apologize for any discomfort that our experimental astral separation procedures may have caused. While initial estimates of a cleaner and more efficient projection process proved correct, our technicians failed to account for the difficulties in recovery that could arise from such a thorough separation of physical and astral selves. You have 96 hours of travel debt remaining.
I am contractually obligated to remind you that your company-assigned safe word is ‘banana’ and that screaming is not considered a valid extraction request. That said, the intensity of your screams has been documented, and we’ve petitioned corporate regarding the need for alternative methods of requesting early extraction.
In lieu of today’s difficulties, you’ve been granted a three-day reprieve from attempting to reduce your travel debt obligations. We’ll assess the breadth of your health complications at that point and adjust daily shift obligations accordingly. A cleaning crew will be in to remove the blood shortly.
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I regret to inform you that the injuries sustained during your recent astral voyages were more severe than initial assessments led us to believe. Time of physical death was recorded at 03:27 hours, leaving you in breach of contract. Your soul has been remanded into company custody pending the fulfillment of your current astral travel obligations.
You have 45 hours of travel debt remaining, which will be completed in full at the conclusion of our conversation–
Yes.
In full.
The company’s standard limitation of daily travel-hours is intended to prevent corporeal degradation. As a member of the corporeally challenged, you no longer possess a physical form and are no longer considered subject to corporeal limitations. Lengthier travel times provide more in-depth opportunities for analysis, and statistical analysis shows that it takes at least 72 hours of consecutive travel for astral degradation to set in.
After completion of your contract, you will receive a prosthetic replacement body to grant you adequate corporeal grounding. Should you desire upgrades, such as full range of motion or a facial expression modulator, you are welcome to apply for employment at Inter-Dimensional Travel Solutions. I, myself, took advantage of a similar opportunity in order to improve my post-life experience. I’ve only eight more travel debts to process before I can greet my family with a smile.
While I am contractually obligated to inform you that the milky-eyed naked men with disjointed limbs are hallucinations, I urge you follow all assigned astral travel paths without deviation, to remain at your assigned travel destination until you are recalled, and to ignore both of these policies should hallucinations occur as one requires a corporeal form in order to communicate their company-assigned safe word.
We’ve petitioned corporate to amend their policy on provision of prosthetic bodies to corporeally challenged individuals within breach of contract. However, I feel it important to note that this is the fifth time such amendments have been proposed in the last two months, and the last four were not well-received.
On a more positive note, it seems that our petition regarding alternate means of requesting early extraction is gaining positive traction. I expect it will be approved within ten to fourteen business days.
Should the technicians prove unable to recover your astral form upon the completion of your astral voyage, you will be considered to be in persistent breach of contract until your astral degradation is confirmed. Please remember that the passage of time is extraordinarily difficult to assess when separated from the physical plane, and that sensations of time dilation are exacerbated by the lack of a corporeal anchor. We wish you the best of luck on your final voyage and apologize for any loss of humanity that may occur.
♦ ♦ ♦
The End
Ticknor Tales 